1. |
Flagpole Of Love
03:46
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Eyes wide open I've been up all night
Smoking crystal in a little Pipe
Im sweating bullets Somethings wrong,
Oh help me doctor got a rock-hard dong
We popped Viagra and we did some coke
But now it feels like a practical joke
I got a boner that wont go down
Could hang a towel on what I carry around
Chorus 1:
Call a stripper , call a whore,
Ive never felt this way before
I made a promise to the God above
Please let me lower this flagpole of love
Hit it with a hammer
Slammed it in a door
I even jammed it in a chest of drawers
But still it looks at me as if to say
You'll forever have to stay this way
And now Im in the emergency room
And still it looks like a witches broom
Doctor gives me a sedative
I know It'll be here as long as I live
Chorus 2:
Call a stripper , call a whore,
Ive never felt this way before
I made a promise to the God above
Please let me lower this flagpole of love
Call a Rabbi, Call a priest
I need some help with this rock-hard beast
Ill make a promise to whoever you like
Just let me get some sleep tonight
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2. |
Freaky Headed Woman
04:00
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I like to think that Im worldy-wise
And I've been around the block
I know I've seen a thing or two,
Would put a lesser man in shock
And when it comes to the fairer sex, well I know a trick or two
But when I came home from work last night
You'll never guess what she asked me to do
Aint gonna dres up as Colonel Gaddafi
That glass coffee table is strictly for coffee
My rear end is a one way street
And I wont eat anything
You have to excrete
Chorus:
I gotta freaky Headed Woman
With the soul of a Beast
I Gotta Freaky Headed Woman
And I wanna Be released
I gotta Freaky Headed Woman
With a Rich Imagaination
I gotta Freaky Headed woman
And strange is her vocation
Now I dont wanna seem
Like I ain't been around the scene
Dont think that I'm an altar boy
There are many dirty deeds, I quite enjoy
I dont mind getting a little bit kinky
I love to play a game of hide the twinky
Dirty talk, spanking, and furry pink handcuffs,
But for my woman, it's never enough
The other day she made me dress up as Hitler
And take her from behind while on the phone to her sister
She wants to use me as a human latrine
And ram me with a strap-on while she's dressed as The Queen
Oh baby I gotta headache tonight
And I gotta be in work before first light
I think I ate something funny alright
I guess I might have to get an early night
And I've been working a lot of late
And there's a documentary on about the mining of slate
I think we'd better make it another date
If we could raincheck, well that'd be great.
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3. |
She's Got A Rabbit
04:13
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My baby went out last night
Didnt say where she was going
She came home with a look in her eyes
I tell ya man she was glowing
And when I got home from work and looked for some fun, She said she was tired
I had to drink a fifth of rum
To put out my desire
Chorus:
Shes got a Rabbit now and I'm out the door
A Rabbit now, she dont need me no more
Shes got a Rabbit now, and its all that she needs
A Rabbit now, and Im begging her please.
Oh baby, come under the covers
I can't measure up to plastic and rubber
That robot lovin's got into your head
I made me feel I'd be better off dead
You ain't gone to work for 15 days
I drilled a hole in a melon so I could get laid
Im feeling more than a little insecure
I dont how much more snubbing I can endure
The day came, Like I knew it would
When the time came to call it quits for good
She said baby you just cant do what he does
When I turn on his motor and make him go buzz
I said baby I'll see you in Hell
And moved my stuff to a sleazy motel
I'm gonna find me a woman who likes flesh and blood
Cause I dont need batteries to help me get wood
Bridge:
Baby, I'm down on my knees
Baby, Im beggin' ya please,
Baby, dont replace me,
Don't automate me
With this Japanese,
This Japanese technology
Im down on my knees
Im begging ya please,
Stick with my biology
Dont use technology
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4. |
The Great Divide
04:37
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Now I'm not given to complain,
'Bout what the good Lord provides,
I've got everything I need
to keep a woman satisfied
But late last weekend
Tested my faith
I met a woman in a barroom
And we got on great
Chorus:
The woman was as wide,
As the Great Divide,
Like a hot dog on Broadway,
Or a worm on a slide
I could have crawled right in,
Without touching the sides
I had to zip up my manhood,
And leave with my pride
Like throwing a cucumber
At the old Grand Canyon
Thats about how much use I was
To my poor companion
And I swear up there,
in the musty dark
You'll find Indiana Jones,
Looking for the Ark
Sometimes when I'm driving
Across the desert
I think of the continents
Under her skirt
And I lose my bearings in the oceans of dirt
And forget who I am
And drown in her girth
And from that moment on,
I know what Im worth
Between her thighs
The Great Divide
An ocean wide
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5. |
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Send in my inspectors
To knock on your door
Tick off a list
Of what you've got in store
I can see from the outside
There's a bomb in your booty
You'll have to be sanctioned
For hiding that beauty
Chorus:
Mr Hans Blix,
Will take his pick
Of Your Weapons Of Ass Destruction
Gotta inspect the junk
You got in your trunk
Or book you for Ass Obstruction
Baby don't you know its a crime?
To cover up something that fine?
Gotta let it all out
Dont be so devout
Lets go behind enemy lines
The UN is on the phone
Telling me to leave you alone
But dont hold back baby
And make me think maybe
That your booty is a No-Fly-Zone
And my secretary of defense
Is pushing me right off the fence
He says "Lets Roll right now!"
Cause He's thinking somehow,
That the party would sure be intense
Freedom Rings,
Shut up and sing
Throw off the yoke of oppression
Cause Uncle Sam,
Needs a bit of clam
And he wont stand for any aggression.
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6. |
Jumping The Gun
04:47
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The more I like it, the faster I go
Just like when I was a boy
A christmas present, a trip to the zoo
If I want it , I wont wait for you
Chorus:
I jumped the gun again
What a mess,
I tried to think about a pig in a dress
I just can't cope with your sweet caress
It makes me crack and lose all my finesse
And sometimes when Im down on the job,
I get excited and I just cant stop
I dont take much to send me over the edge
I do the times-tables inside my head
Chorus 2:
I jumped the gun again, Oh my God
Even Sister Bernadette cant make me hold my wad
Even listing former football Squads
Cant take my mind off my throbbing rod
And for a minute I try to pretend,
That I aint let down my lady friend
I keep going but to no avail
Its like trying to turn a screw with a snail
I jumped the gun again, I feel so wrong
I tried to think of Rosanne Barr in a thong
Or Celine Dion's Titanic theme song
But they could only hold me back for so long
2x7=14
3x7 is 21
4x7 is 28
5x7 is 35
6x7 is 42
7x7 is 49
7x8 is 56
Holy Shit!
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7. |
Hot Prison Dykes
04:28
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4 in the morning Im wide awake
My hands tremble and my body shakes
This is rock number 12 Today
But I cant stop no matter what I say
Tawnee, Cheryl and Crystal too,
and every godess on Pornotube
I got a kilo of industrial Lube
So I can watch them break every taboo
Chorus:
The blinds are closed
The sun blocked out
Ive enough tissue for a marathon bout
Its not a problem I can quit when I like
I swear I will right after 'Hot Prison Dykes'
Like yesterday I thought Id have a peek
See if Jenna had a new one for me
Im still here after 48 hours
Watching Rocco Sefreddi and Megan Powers
My credit card is pushed to the max,
Ive seen less hot dinners than degrading sex acts,
Wah-wah guitar and red hot sax,
Silicone and Brazilian wax
Bridge:
Cant stay, I gotta run,
I gotta date that's gonna be fun
Ten windows and an empty house,
Surfing one-handed with a sticky mouse
Love me today
Wont you love me tomorrow baby
Love me tonight
Wont ya keep me alright now honey
My Hot Prison Dykes
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8. |
Morning Glory
03:04
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When I wake up in the morning
I feel so fine
I cant get you off my mind
Im standing proud I need relief,
I want a woman who knows what I need,
Chorus:
I gotta,
Morning Glory for you now baby,
A Morning Glory for you...
I gotta, Morning Glory for you now honey,
so whatcha gonna do?
Verse 2:
Somtimes when I get to bed,
Been drinking whiskey and popping reds,
I cant rise to the occassion,
My John Thomas wont take my instruction
But in the morning I wake up strong,
I got a boner like King Kong,
It hurts me so, to be alone,
I gotta get my baby on the phone.
Repeat Chorus
Verse 3 (bridgey bit)
Oh Mama gimme hand relief
Give some love to my Commander in chief
I need your help , I need it bad
Take the pain away before I go mad.
Repeat Chorus
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9. |
Golden Girls
03:15
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The older the get the more they got to give
Yeah thats what ma Daddy said
When every time might be the last
You'll be given the very best
Thats why when Im feeling low down
I go and visit Marie
She 85 but she acts like sixteen
And she always amazes me
Chorus:
Once you go grey you'll never stray
Im here to tell you friend
Do the horizontal jive with someone over 85
And you'll never want it to end
Shes got red pills for Monday and Tuesday Blue
Wednesdays Yellow and Thursday too
I grind em up and take em all at once
And I just cant wait to get out of my pants
You gotta listen to me when I say
Throw those young and limber girls away
Go get a last thrill at the cemetary gates
Cause it wont be long before judgement day
Now I now that you might think
That I oughta be seeing a shrink
But them Golden Girls know a thing or two
That must have died out in 1952
Maybe the Depression or the war with Japan
Taught 'em all how to please a man
Maybe living with no TV
Made em so good at making whoopee
Golden Girls,
They rock my world,
They keep me up all night long,
Im a dog with a bone in the old folks home
And I dont care if ya think it's wrong.
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10. |
Metrosexual
04:18
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When I was a young boy
I thought I knew what made a man
You had to smell of sweat
Unfiltered cigarettes
And drink suds straight from the can
But on every corner now I see
Men with manicures
Back, sack and crack and chest hair wax
And wearing haute couture
Chorus:
Gregory Peck,
Steve McQueen,
And Edward G Robinson too
Wouldnt share a steak with Justin Timberlake
Even if you bought 'em a brew
Now I aint no kind of throwback
But what the hell is going on
And If you ever see me waxing my hairy back
You'll know that something is seriously wrong
Now I aint never washed my privates
Cause I like em the way they are
And if you've gotta use for more than two pairs of shoes,
I bet you dont even have a scar
I figure a manly musk,
Makes the girls drop dead from lust
And thats why I never change my clothes,
Till I can make em stand up on their own
I aint no metrosexual
Just look at my underwear drawer
Ten pairs of black boxer shorts,
Who could ever ask for more
Now I aint no metrosexual
I do my nails with a knife
And my nostril hair is so thick up there
That it sometimes threatens my life
Now I aint no metrosexual
Just look on my bathroom shelf
A bottle of Lynx for when I really stink
And I can happily live with myself.
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